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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has traditionally served as the reliable retreat for daily publications, and we are always mindful regarding memorable lavatory incidents and historic moments, especially in relation to football. It was quite amusing to discover that Big Website columnist a famous broadcaster possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs in his house. Spare a thought about the Tykes follower who understood the bathroom somewhat too seriously, and was rescued from a deserted Oakwell following dozing off in the toilet during halftime of a 2015 loss against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and had lost his mobile phone and his headwear,” explained a representative from Barnsley fire services. And who can forget at the pinnacle of his career playing for City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college to use the facilities during 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then came in and was asking the location of the toilets, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “Subsequently he wandered through the school acting like the owner.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday represents 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit from the England national team post a quick discussion within a restroom stall alongside FA executive David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss by Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the historic stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, his private Football Association notes, he entered the drenched troubled England locker room directly following the fixture, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, the two stars urging for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies found him slumped – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, saying quietly: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to salvage the situation.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A significant event in English football's extensive history happened in the old toilets of a stadium facing demolition. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I closed the door after us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Consequences

And so, Keegan resigned, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I began working with the visually impaired team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably over the past twenty-five years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Current Reports

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for Women's major tournament coverage regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“There we stood in a long row, wearing only our undergarments. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We hardly glanced at one another, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a freezing stare. Silent and observant” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures referees were previously subjected to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to manage the main squad. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and awarded some merch, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he expected would overpower him. This masochistic tendency must account for his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|